Happy Mother's Day!!

Today is the "special" day we celebrate Mother's. 

Once again, I am getting ready to prepare our time together as a family. I needed to run to the grocery store to get some things for our lunch. I am experiencing things that I haven't had to before. This is the first Mother's Day without my Mama. Oh, it hurts so bad. I miss her terribly...and I just want to hug her and tell her how very much I love her. As I am trying to get things I need, I see flowers(mama loved them)...cards, wind chimes, candies...everything for Mother....and I can't get Mama any flowers this year. I never thought it would be this hard. It will be 6 months that Mama has been gone..it doesn't seem real. It feels like a bad dream that I can't wake up from.

My "precious" will be alive in my heart forever.

Love is a memory that can never be taken away. ...and Mama loved me, unconditionally.

Thank you Mama..for your beautiful life...for teaching me how to be a Mother.

I promise today I will cherish every moment with my 2 beautiful daughters. ..and thank God for them...and for the beautiful family I have.

It's gonna be hard, but it's gonna be ok.

I love you Mama!!!

Precious Mama

LOUISE ELAINE

Hi. After a long time away I have decided to get blogging. I have only posted a few times but like the idea of talking about life...sometimes. :-)

One month ago my precious Mama went to Heaven.  She so looked forward to the day that she would see Jesus. Always telling us girls and our children to "Look to Jesus". Oh, how I miss her so much...the ache within me is awful! I want to talk to her..I want her to talk to me..she was an angel on earth. I must keep reminding myself that she isn't suffering anymore and she is spending this Christmas with JESUS. There's joy in that.

What could anyone want more then that?!

Since finding out at the end of August 2010 that Mama had brain cancer, I am forever changed. We tried everything we could to help her win the battle with her "train boomer"...that's what she called it...she didn't like the sound of brain tumor. She was ready to meet Jesus, but she wasn't ready to leave Daddy and her girls and grandchildren...but God had this in the plan....I am still trying to figure that one out!  We took her to NC to Duke University Hospital for her brain biopsy to see what kind of tumor she had. Mama hemmoraged in her brain following the surgery, causing the Doctor to go in and do a craniotomy to stop the bleeding and take some of the tumor. She still was bleeding after that surgery which then they had to go in a 3rd time.

I do not know how Mama was able to survive this.  She was such a trooper..so strong..and ready to hang on as long as she could. When she came out of the surgeries...she was not able to ever speak to us again.  We heard simple little grunts and had lots of squeezes, although they weren't always consistent in answering questions. She was trapped in her body for 8 weeks, while this nasty malignant glioblastoma took her...with no way to move or speak. We did everything we could for Mama..to help her get better..we prayed ALOT for a miracle...but God wanted her home with Him...

and that's ok.

I love you Mama..and I miss you so!!

"I hear ya"

I love birds!!

Have had a good week. It does seem like the days are flying by way too fast.

I haven't been real good at blogging and I will try to get on here a bit more often as I can.

I am having a little bit of jitters with the wedding only being 8 weeks away.  Lot's to get done...and I want everything to be beautiful for my daughter's special day!

One day this week, I chose to have my quiet time in a different place

then I usually do.  As I was sitting at the breakfast nook looking outside the window, once again between reading and praying..I am finding myself worrying about the different things that seem to steal my attention these days,  and all of a sudden I saw the most beautiful birds flying around the yard (mind you, I haven't seen many birds like this yet)...flying to one tree or bush to another and back again.  A beautiful redheaded woodpecker trying to find his lunch...it sounded like someone was building something..I laughed...and even found myself talking to him...telling him to "keep trying...you will find your food". 

There was a beautiful bluejay....and a bright red cardinal. More birds flying all around. This day was very cloudy and windy..looked like it could snow, but that didn't matter...I was certainly entertained by these beautiful birds.  I can't forget to mention the squirrel who was digging around in the leaves looking for something he needed also. I am not fond of them because they steal bird feed, but he was cute this day.

  It wasn't more then a few minutes and the birds had flown away.  I found myself remembering what God had promised..that if He can take care of the birds He made, he certainly will take care of me and ALL of my needs! He does care about me and said He would perfect that which concerns me.  God is pretty incredible.  He created  me a visual kind of woman, and gave that beautiful picture outside the window, so that I would remember what He promised. I needed that so much. 

What a sweet moment!!

bittersweet days...

It's a beautiful Monday. 

The sun is shining and the colors of the leaves are so amazing. 

Thank you God for allowing me to enjoy your awesome creation today.

BITTERSWEET

Leanna is all moved into her new home.  We worked all day on Saturday

and ended up staying there overnight.  Oh what fun....carrying boxes

after boxes..and more boxes...down the stairs...then up stairs...cleaning...

filling kitchen cupboards with her new gifts...arranging furniture...washing new towels...

hanging clothes...making bed....then...

Aaron got us pizza and ice cream....what a man!!!!

It's time we make a decision on who will be the one to

 take Amanda's Senior pictures?! 

Hmmmmm.........

Enjoy today!!!

First Blog...emotions!

It's Friday...and I have decided to create a blog. 

There is enough going on in my life right now that I must write it all down

or I may forget where I was on this day and what was happening that

is so bittersweet!!!

I am learning to take the bitter with the sweet!

Some days, like today...I have cried a river it seems.  And it just won't stop.  God made our emotions and wow are they ever all over the place sometimes!  But the most important thing I have learned thanks to a dear friend, is to embrace emotions. To accept them as part of who I am.  It's ok!

IT'S SWEET....

My baby Leanna is a bride-to-be. Her special day is January 2, 2010.  The emotions I feel about this, every day...are over the top.  I love her with all of my being, and I have always wanted the very best for her and have prayed that God would bless her life and that she would be obedient to Him and carry out whatever it is that He has designed for her.  He has brought an incredible loving prince into her life whom she will be one with in just a few weeks.  I cannot tell you just how my heart feels...planning for this most wonderful day, making decisions, picking out her most favorite beautiful flowers, listening to music that is a window to her soul, remembering what makes her smile and just what she dislikes...  :-)  Putting together her very own special invitations for her dear family and friends....oh the special sweet memories we share together!!!

IT'S BITTER....

 I don't like the taste of letting her go.

For 22 years she has been my precious daughter. 

 Mine to love unconditionally, to nurture, to comfort, to communicate with, to teach, to play with, and to give her whatever she needs to be everything for God.

God created her so marvellously and wonderfully ...how could I not let her go!!!

Because, I am her Mama...and she will always be my baby!

A new Season of life is here....and I thought I loved change.

I find that it isn't as I thought it would be.